Purple Alligator Skin

I visited my brother in Ohio last week. It is always with trepidation that I make that call - sounds strange, I know but that's how it is. Consider this; "Bro" is 75 and has been in a "Home" for about 2 years now - full time - and about 5 or 6 years off and on. He has lots of ailments, not the least of which is cirrhosis of the liver and now kidney failure. Three times a week for dialysis on M,W,F with T,T for R&R - then the weekend, then Monday and dialysis again.

He had me feel the ports under the skin of his left arm, just above the elbow. When you do that to yourself you can feel your pulse, but when there is a port in your arm, you can actually feel the blood surging through your (his) veins. Most weird sensation I have ever experienced - even weirder than hearing my own heart valve in the still of the night when it snaps shut when it works. Titanium does that. Thank God it always works - at least it has for about fourteen years. And yes, it took some getting used to but Bro's vein port was above and beyond...

Sound exciting? Yes, but not really...

We did have a good visit though. We have gotten a lot closer than we were when we were younger. I guess that thing about percentages works out in terms of age too. Five and-a-half years when you are 10 and 15-16 is a pretty big difference. Little brothers are a pest at best and simply provide something to punch! Ha! Now at 69 (and a half) and 75 that difference seems smaller - I suppose it is. Well, this isn't getting very close to the title of this little essay, is it?

My brother's arms are purple - yes, purple! Livid, bright purple. From the elbows to the hands with white skin for fingers and purple alligator skin for arms. I wonder if when he looks at them he thinks something like - "where did those arms come from?" I think I would. I don't know if he thinks that, I didn't ask, but for me I think it would come as a surprise. Like "I don't remember them looking like that yesterday" - or - "Am I really THAT old?" - "Whose arms are those anyway?" I suppose I could make all the standard comments at this point like "Thank God for my health" - or - "When you have your health you have everything" - or probably any one of a hundred others. The truth is that we sometimes lose our health.

What do you think you would do if your arms turned to Purple Alligator Skin? I was once told there is a medical term for that related to all the illnesses Bro has had, but what difference would that make if it were yours or my arms?

And how would your days go? Would you look forward to your meals? How about your favorite nurse paying you a visit for pills, finger sticks, insulin injections, diaper changes, or a thousand other fun things? How about your favorite nurse - yes, I visited with her and she genuinely cares for him - not an erotic Greek "Love" - eros - but Greek Phileo love. Genuine caring love as a friend for a friend. Not quite Agape love, but close... She's leaving Magnolia Convalescent Center after twenty years. The economy has gotten to her and the drive to work has taken its toll. New place is two miles from her home and she must make the change. She told me with tears in her eyes that she really hates to leave. Twenty years at the same place and she has seen come characters in her time there but my brother takes the cake. In fact, he is the icing on the cake - her words. I know this will be hard on him, there are so few bright spots in his life and one is turning off. I hope he survives that...

But then there's the Purple Alligator skin. It never goes away and it's always yours. Where did it come from? I don't remember growing older like this. What would you say or think?

Then there is the rare visit from your "Kid Brother" from Texas. Tanned, walking straight - no walker, fairly "slim", taller than you are, able to control his bowels (Wow! is that something to be thankful for?) and then the highlight of your week - maybe of the last six months - carry in breakfast from McDonald's - Sausage, Egg and Cheese Biscuit with Potato Cake and Coffee (be sure to bring coffee - they use instant here - it's bad coffee...) with your kid brother. How's that for a treat!

If ever I get feeling sorry for myself - and I do - or you, dear reader for that matter - just remember Purple Alligator Skin. That should make your day... Agape to all.